The “F” Word….Forgiveness

Hello and welcome to another Tuesday Talks blog. I am so glad you are taking the time to read this blog. My hope is that it offers you the insight to the energetic spiritual world around you. Shows you helpful ways to help maneuver the stuff that you aren’t comfortable talking to others about. This blog is about not only connecting to the spirit of your loved ones, angels and guides but also connecting to yourself.

We are all a part of a miraculous spiritual journey that is sometimes difficult. I’ve based this blog on 2 questions I received. If you have a question, please email it to connectingtospiritwithstacey@gmail.com and maybe we’ll create a Tuesday Talks around it.

Back to the questions, I believe they are both connected. The first question is “How do I forgive myself” and the 2nd question is “How do I ask for my power and not my pain, when my pain is all, I know?” Wow. Great questions from life situations we have all faced at one time. So, we are going to talk about the F Word. That’s right, Forgiveness. What it is and steps to take to make it possible.

We are going to look at 8 things you can actively practice in your walk-through forgiveness and understanding in order to heal. As well as 8 questions to help you dig into the action of forgiving yourself. I chose the number 8 because in numerology 8 measures life by goals, it is the symbol for balance. If you were born as a numerology 8 you are said to have strategic methods and dedicated to purpose in climbing upwards. They live to achieve. I felt as though this would bring the numerological energy into establishing forgiveness in our everyday life.

We grew up hearing forgive and forget. Sounds easy but in reality, it is not. How do you just forget a wound that someone placed on you? Or how do you forgive yourself of something that may have changed your emotional wellbeing then on top of that forget it. How do we shut off that voice in our heads?

I first want to tell you what forgiveness is. And I’m going to read this from The Greater Good Magazine. Here is what they say:

“Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. Just as important is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offence against you. Forgiveness does not mean totally forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you. INSTEAD, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.” Again, that is from the Greater Good Magazine.

Let’s look at this closely. It is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment…. So, it is you saying to yourself, “I will not allow this to affect my emotional wellbeing.” Even if this person doesn’t actually deserve my forgiveness.  You are addressing your wellbeing. This is not your burden to carry. You are not sentenced to hold it for life.

You are not glossing over the fact of what happened or how it made you feel, you are searching for the peace within you to find your balance and this empowers you to state with authority that this pain will not define me.

This was a big epiphany for me years ago, when I decided not to allow a traumatic situation to define who I was. Instead, I recognized being who I am in spite of what happened, and I no longer needed approval from them to be the person I am. In retrospect I am who I am because I found peace in knowing it was not up to me to win this fight. I needed to walk through and away from it in order to heal.

Here are some points to think about. 1. You know how you felt when it happened and decided it was not ok. You chose not to allow it to fester in your energy. Boundaries. 2. You acknowledged that forgiveness is for you not for anyone else. Because in the midst of forgiveness is release. 3. You sought peace for yourself. Even if it meant that you would not condone nor reconcile with the person who hurt you. 4. You are able to acknowledge that the distress of this anger actually came from your wounded heart either from 10 years ago or 10 minutes ago. Now you can incorporate practices to ease the body’s fight or flight response. 5. You choose you. You consciously agreed that these actions taught you not to expect what you need from life comes from other people. You now recognize that you are the captain of your ship. Only you navigate the waters that affect your ship. 6. You’ve chosen to immerse yourself in positive energy. Change your perspective and the outcome will change for you. 7. By changing your energy you’ve actually instilled the best revenge. You are stating that no matter what, I will rise and survive. I appreciate myself enough to not take the bait, placing my energy spiraling out of control to the point of doubting my ability to not participate in negative energy. 8 And when you look back, and you will, you will see that no amount of negative confrontation is worth your peace.

There is a quote that is in my office that says, “I never knew how strong I was till I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry and accept an apology I never received.” This is you navigating the energy that is around you and within you.

This is a spiritual energetic victory. Once you release the stymie-ness that tried to prevent your progress, it actually excels your energy.

Ok, onto question two. “How do I ask for my power and not my pain, when my pain is all that I know?” Forgiving yourself to release the pain and walking into your power or staying in your pain, that is the quandary. You can easily avoid someone whose actions do not line up with your vibe, but how do you avoid yourself? Here’s the thing, you don’t. Avoiding it will make it fester in your mind, body and spirit. It can cause the body illness, stress and anxiety. Guilt is heavy baggage to carry with you.

I want you to hear me when I say that you are more than your worst mistake. I am not making excuses for bad behavior but ask yourself these questions. 1. Were you inexperienced about the situation because you had never faced it before? 2. Did you do the best that you could at the time based on the knowledge you had not meaning to hurt anyone? 3. Was this a learning experience of what not to do? 4. Did you try to make amends and admit your wrongdoing? 5. Is this guilt helping you or hindering you? 6. Was it intentional? 7. Have you grown from the experience? and 8. Can you permit yourself to forgive yourself? 

When you can honestly look deep within yourself to answer these 8 questions you are on your way to healing. Every one of us has something we are not proud of either from 10 years ago or 10 minutes ago. If you go back and ask yourself these questions, you may open up an entirely new way of processing your actions and reactions.

Again, I’m not making excuses for bad behavior, but the big question is why? Where did this action come from? This is not deflection to blame someone else. It is acknowledgement of wanting to be better for the world around you. When you find the answer of why, memories may come up that need forgiveness for you to excel.

Guilt weighs you down to the point of stunting your own spiritual growth. It blocks the view of the blessings around you. It stops you from blessing others because you feel unworthy. You are more than your worst mistake.

Luke 6:37 says “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. This brings into question, are you standing in judgement of yourself? Condemning yourself to a lifetime of guilt? Then forgive yourself and you will be forgiven.

It takes time, reflection and practice to cultivate the forgiving mindset. But when you change your perspective, the outcome will change. If you want to live a life filled with joy and happiness, be mindful of what you are telling yourself. Change the way you speak, the world around you will change when you adjust what you place into the energetic world around you. This is part of your spiritual enlightened journey to find the purpose you were meant to accomplish.

I truly hope this inspires you to search for a life you love to love the life you live.

Blessings

Stacey

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